Ephesus 16

Back in 1995, 7 years into our marriage, I found myself in the most vicious trial of my life. Our marriage had been rocky from the start, but thankfully a strong relationship with the Lord and knowledge of His Word, kept me from the divorce temptation.

The destructive things that took place in our marriage between 1987 and 1995 I will share in my upcoming book. In the meantime, I want to share how “taking the blame” brought me through to a tremendous victory over crack cocaine.

Just when I thought our marriage was getting better the unimaginable happened. We were both serving the Lord, the business was prospering and our family life with our two-year-old son was humming. I had vowed to Dave that if he ever brought his ex-druggy friend back into our lives it would be over. For about two years I had not seen or heard his name.

One afternoon Dave came home and told me he had just met his “friend” while fetching Tanya (his daughter). I froze. He saw the horror on my face and told me not to worry, nothing happened, he just happened to be there. I left it at that.

A few days later we went on holiday. While there he told me he had something to confess. Not the first time I had herd those words. He asked me not to freak out – obviously I had done this before – and that he would never do it again. You can imagine what kind of thoughts were running around in my mind!

“I’ve been doing crack cocaine!” came his soft reply with a quick “but I’ll never do it again!” Shocked and bewildered I was relieved that it wasn’t another woman, but what the heck was crack? I had heard of cocaine but not crack. Once I regained my composure, I wanted to know how much it had cost him. He told me I did not want to know. Really! Yes, I did! The amount was staggering, and I was stunned. (I won’t tell you now, you’ll have to read the book 😉)

It took me a while, but I forgave him, and he promised it would not happen again because he believed I would not stay with him. We enjoyed the rest of our holiday, sort of. My heart was having difficulties processing the news.

We arrived home, Dave unloaded Adrian (our son) and me together with the bags on the back lawn and sped out the driveway. He came home sometime that night. I was livered. A two-year nightmare had just begun. As the months went by Dave became increasingly addicted and in the final year he had stopped working and just did crack.

Three weeks into this nightmare the Lord spoke to me and told me to forgive him. I had to learn how to forgive and the Lord faithfully taught me, but it was a daily challenge. True forgiveness REMOVES BLAME. Jesus said to forgive 490 times a day. It was not possible for Dave to offend me that many times in one day, however, I found myself forgiving all day long.

Every day became a war with the thoughts and accusations in my head and heart. This was all his fault! I was listening to sermons and reading books on how to get your breakthrough. I was desperate. I promised the Lord that I would not get divorced – you know, in one of those, “I am so spiritual,” moments. He kept me to it because I did see a divorce attorney!

However, every preacher God brought across my path had the same message, “You have what you say!” Eventually I huffed at the Lord and said, “Okay, what, what am I saying that makes me guilty of this!?” Like lightening He took me back to a moment on the beach in Margate, two days into our marriage, where I had started a confession that we both quoted and often in jest when with others. “I have just made the biggest mistake of my life,” I cried on that beach. I had nurtured this confession for seven years already. I still could not see how this was my fault though.

I took responsibility for my words and I stopped blaming Dave. I took him and I into the courts of heaven and took the blood of Jesus seriously.

The Lord spoke to me and told me that my marriage was not a mistake. I had to repent, which meant to change my confession, and to bless Dave instead. That was hard. I had to work out another confession. I did, and once I had formulated a good confession concerning Dave the Lord instructed me to offer it up to Him as a prayer three times a day.

One evening, as I was walking around the lounge praying in tongues, I heard Dave walking from room to room. I knew he was spaced out but would not come into the lounge. As I heard him, I heard the Lord say, “Thank me that Dave is walking around praying in the Holy Ghost, making intercession for the saints.” What God saw and what I saw were two very different things. But I did. I took up the challenge and declared and decreed it as often as I could.

Then, in March 1997, I saw that demon walk out of my house. It was a horrible mangy looking creature that was slinking out the house with its tail between its legs. I knew the battle was over. Three weeks later Dave came off drugs.

When I chose to take responsibility for our situation, I also gained the authority I needed to get victory. Every time I heard the voice of the Accuser, I went to God, prayed, and shut him down. I did not care what the accusation was I would not entertain it. Jesus had become Lord over me.

Whatever it is that you are facing in your life, I promise you, God is faithful. If you will take control of your words and start forgiving and accepting responsibility for your life you will see tremendous changes take place in you and in those around you. Then, just imagine what would happen if we began to stop blaming our government and instead began to bless them.

Be strong, be courageous, keep persevering. There is a promise to you if you overcome. Jesus will give you the right to eat from the tree of life.

PS: If you would like a copy of my prayer for Dave please send me an email request. If you have not subscribed please do so, however, you can still send me a request via the contact form on the website.

God bless you!


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  1. Morning. Can i please have a copy. God has been speaking to me about my marraige aswell. Especially forgiveness. It hit me like a bom since yesterday😔

  2. Wow what an encouragement, i have been blessed with a wonderful husband from the Lord but addicted to alcohol for 20 years of our marriage already, the Lord has kept me and sustain me through his Leading and Guidance but i feel it’s time to be more serious about his deliverance as to rather just kept on praying that the Lord will deliver him in His perfect time. Can you please send me your prayer. Regards